i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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