Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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