well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
