You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
