i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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