Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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