I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
