We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
