Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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