I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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