So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize