I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
