I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize