so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
