I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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