So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
