I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
