Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Randomize
