"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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