why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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