I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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