new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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