I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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