guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
