And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
