The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
