Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize