This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
