My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
We just shotgunned beers for America
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
