I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
