I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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