Quick, to the slutcave!
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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