Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
