I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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