We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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