Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
we should paint friendship bongs
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
