I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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