Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
