...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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