The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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