Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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