She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize