I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
