That's intense
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
