I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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