opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
All I want is dick and wine.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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