Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
