The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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