he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
