I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
