I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Randomize
