You really coming over, don't trick.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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