wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
