you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
