dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
