C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
