I am in a vortex of obligation.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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