6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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