You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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