I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
