i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
