So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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