he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Randomize
